Fathers & Adult Children (Part 2) Solomon & Rehoboam: Wisdom Given, Wisdom Ignored
- Ken Kalis
- 3 days ago
- 4 min read
My father was a wise man who loved me dearly and taught me Solomon's Proverbs.
Better still, he brought me up in the fear of the LORD and showed me how to love Jesus.
But when I got into Rutgers, I thought I had become smarter than him and despised his wisdom.
My "cool" worldly friends taught me how to sin and live for the moment.
This broke his heart and flushed 12 years down the toilet.
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“My son…”With those words, Solomon addressed Rehoboam again and again in the Book of Proverbs. More than twenty times, the wisest man who ever lived pleaded with his son to listen, to walk in the fear of the Lord, to avoid evil companions, and to treasure wisdom.
Rehoboam heard it all. And Rehoboam ignored almost all of it.
This is not just a story from 1 Kings 12 — it is the story of many Christian parents watching their adult children turn away from the very truths they were raised in.
1. A Wise Father, a Complex Household
Solomon was not perfect, but he was a father who taught. He filled Proverbs with counsel for a growing son — counsel about purity, humility, righteous leadership, self-control, and justice.
But Rehoboam grew up in a home full of contradictions:
• hundreds of wives and concubines• political marriages and foreign alliances• altars to foreign gods• a father who taught righteousness but lived divided
Rehoboam’s heart was shaped not only by what Solomon taught but by what Solomon tolerated.
Parents feel this tension today:“I taught them the truth… but they also saw my inconsistencies.”
Scripture is honest about this. God is gracious about it.
2. Rehoboam and the Influence of Friends
The Crowned King — and the Captive Soul
When Solomon died, and Rehoboam inherited the throne, he faced the first major decision of his reign. The people asked for mercy and lighter burdens.
Rehoboam sought counsel from two groups:
• the older, seasoned elders• the younger men he had grown up with
Scripture records:
“He forsook the counsel of the old men… and consulted with the young men that were grown up with him.”— 1 Kings 12:8
This was the hinge of his life.
Not the crown.Not the throne.The friends he chose to listen to.
These “young men” were the privileged boys of the palace — confident, loud, self-assured, and spiritually shallow. They were the “in crowd.” And Rehoboam wanted their approval.
Solomon Had Warned Him About This
Solomon’s voice echoes through Proverbs:
“My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not.” (Proverbs 1:10)“A companion of fools shall be destroyed.” (Proverbs 13:20)“Be not thou envious against evil men, neither desire to be with them.” (Proverbs 24:1)
Rehoboam memorized these words but never internalized them.
A Truth Many Parents Know
Young adults rarely drift alone. They drift with someone:
• friends• co-workers• classmates• online communities• social pressures• relationships that feel affirming but are spiritually corrosive
Rehoboam had wisdom in his memory —but foolish friends at his elbow.
He chose the latter.
3. The Catastrophe That Followed
When the people asked for mercy, Rehoboam’s young advisers urged him toward pride and harshness:
“My little finger shall be thicker than my father’s loins.”— 1 Kings 12:10
Rehoboam spoke like a tyrant, not a shepherd. The kingdom split in two that day.
A lifetime of Solomon’s instruction could not overcome a handful of foolish voices Rehoboam chose to trust more.
This is not just history — it is a warning.
4. What This Means for Today’s Parents
The story of Solomon and Rehoboam teaches us:
A. Teaching truth is essential — but not enough. Even Solomon could not force his son to be wise.
B. Adult children remain responsible before God. You sow the seed; they choose what to do with it.
C. Friends matter profoundly. Your child’s companions may shape their future more than your conversations.
D. God can redeem what seems lost. Many kings after Rehoboam turned back to God despite terrible beginnings.
E. Parents must keep speaking — gently, truthfully, prayerfully. Solomon’s voice still rings through Scripture. So can yours.
5. A Word to Parents Watching a Rehoboam Moment
If your adult child is drifting…
• into worldly friendships• into pride• into destructive influences• into the “in crowd”• into choices that grieve your heart
…this story speaks to you.
God understands your heartbreak. He watched Solomon’s.
Solomon’s responsibility was to teach. Rehoboam’s was to listen.
You are responsible for the first. Your adult child is responsible for the second.
Your calling now is:
• to pray• to love• to speak truth without controlling• and to entrust them to Jesus, the true King
A Father’s Prayer
Lord,I release my adult children into Your sovereign hands. Give them ears to hear the wisdom they were raised in. Deliver them from foolish friends and destructive influences. Surround them with people who love You. Protect their hearts. Call them back when they wander. Strengthen me to be faithful —not controlling, not silent, but trusting You with everything I long for. Amen.
Reflection Questions
Where are your adult children most influenced — for good or for harm?
What one conversation is God prompting you to have?
Where do you need to surrender control and trust God more deeply?
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Pro 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
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God of mercy, hear our prayer
For the children Thou hast giv’n;
Let them all Thy blessing share,
Grace on earth and bliss in Heav’n.
In the morning of their days
May their hearts be drawn to Thee;
Let them learn to lisp Thy praise
In their earliest infancy.
When we see their passions rise—
Sinful habits unsubdued;
Then to Thee we lift our eyes,
That their hearts may be renewed.
Cleanse their souls from every stain,
Through the Savior’s precious blood;
Let them all be born again,
And be reconciled to God.
For this mercy, Lord, we cry;
Bend Thine ever gracious ear;
While on Thee our souls rely,
Hear our prayer, in mercy hear.
--Words: Thomas Hastings, The Mother’s Hymn Book (New York: Ezra Collier, 1836
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