A Parable: David’s Grown Sons: A Warrior Who Had Little Time to Be a Father
- Ken Kalis
- Dec 18, 2025
- 5 min read
“David was a man of war from his youth.”—cf. 1 Samuel 17; 2 Samuel 7:9
God blessed me with a son at age 43, for which I am thankful.
I had never even thought of having children before then.
My career and building a company were my GREAT occupation.
I was immature and simply not steady.
Children at an early age did not work out well for David
Read on and see why.
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David was a great king — but long before that, he was a full-time warrior.
From his teens onward, David lived under constant pressure: fleeing Saul, leading men, fighting Philistines, uniting a fractured nation, expanding borders.
Scripture records campaign after campaign. David’s calling was real, and it was costly.
And during those years — before he was thirty — most of his sons were born.
Sons Born in Passing
The Bible is remarkably frank about David’s family life. His early sons were born during years of movement, danger, and accumulation:
“And unto David were sons born in Hebron…”—2 Samuel 3:2–5
Each son had a different mother. David was building a kingdom, securing alliances, accumulating wives and heirs — the accepted practice of kings, but a dangerous one.
David was present biologically. He was absent relationally.
This does not excuse later failures — but it explains them.
Amnon: Appetite Without Restraint
Amnon, David’s firstborn, was driven by desire rather than discipline. He lusted after his half-sister Tamar and, through deception, violated her (2 Samuel 13).
Scripture records David’s response with devastating restraint:
“But when king David heard of all these things, he was very wroth.”
He was angry — but he did nothing.
No judgment. No correction. No protection for Tamar. David the warrior did not confront sin in his own house, and silence became permission.
Absalom: Justice Taken Into His Own Hands
Absalom, Tamar’s full brother, waited two years — then murdered Amnon in revenge. David again failed to act decisively. He mourned, but he did not judge.
Absalom fled, returned, and was eventually restored to Jerusalem — without reconciliation, without repentance. The result was predictable:
“So Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.”
—2 Samuel 15:6
When a father will not exercise righteous authority, sons often reach for power themselves. Absalom’s rebellion was born in the vacuum left by David’s inaction.
Absalom’s Death: Love Without Authority
When Absalom openly rebelled, David fled Jerusalem. Yet even then, his command to the generals reveals his tragic weakness:
“Deal gently for my sake with the young man, even with Absalom.”
David loved his son — but he loved him without governing him. Absalom died hanging between heaven and earth, and David’s cry remains one of Scripture’s most haunting laments:
“O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom!”
It is the cry of a father who loved deeply — and acted too late.
Adonijah: Entitlement Unchecked
Even at the end of his life, David repeated the pattern with Adonijah, another son born in his earlier years.
Adonijah exalted himself, saying, “I will be king” (1 Kings 1:5). Scripture offers a devastating explanation:
“And his father had not displeased him at any time in saying, Why hast thou done so?”
—1 Kings 1:6
That single sentence explains decades of grief.
A Father Too Busy to Form Sons
David knew how to command men. He knew how to fight. He knew how to rule.
What he did not learn — until much later — was how to father sons into maturity.
Amnon, Absalom, and Adonijah did not grow up under sustained instruction, discipline, or presence. They grew up in the shadow of a famous, absent, heroic father.
And Scripture gives us the sober result:
Amnon ruled by appetite.
Absalom ruled by resentment.
Adonijah ruled by entitlement.
Each one acted as if the throne were something to be taken — not entrusted.
Bathsheba and a Turning Point
Everything changes when David marries Bathsheba.
This union begins in sin, but ends in something different: shared repentance, stability, and intentional parenting. Together, they raised Solomon. They have become one flesh.
For the first time, David is no longer a fugitive or an empire-builder. He is settled. Reflective. Preparing to hand on wisdom rather than seize ground.
It is no accident that Solomon — not the earlier sons — becomes the heir, nor that David personally instructs him:
“I go the way of all the earth: be thou strong therefore, and shew thyself a man.”—1 Kings 2:2
This is the voice of a father who has learned — late, but truly.
The Wisdom for Us
Here is the parable for our own day.
It is possible to be successful, faithful, and called — and still fail at home through distraction.
It is possible to father children without truly being a father.
Work, ministry, ambition, even good callings can consume the years needed to form sons and daughters. Presence cannot be postponed without consequence.
My own testimony belongs here — not as confession, but as wisdom:
“I am so glad I did not have children until I was 43. I simply was not ready before that.”
That is not regret speaking. That is discernment.
David and the Greater Son
David’s story prepares us for Christ.
David’s sons grasped at power. God’s Son laid it down.
David learned fatherhood late. God the Father is eternal.
And yet even David’s failure becomes Scripture — not hidden, not excused — so that we might learn what truly matters.
“Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it.”—Psalm 127:1
Kingdoms rise and fall. Careers end. Battles cease.
But the work of loving a wife, raising children, and forming souls — that work abides.
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Only a Dad
Only a dad with a tired face,
Coming home from the daily race,
Bringing little of gold or fame
To show how well he has played the game;
But glad in his heart that his own rejoice
To see him come and to hear his voice.
Only a dad with a brood of four,
One of ten million men or more
Plodding along in the daily strife,
Bearing the whips and the scorns of life,
With never a whimper of pain or hate,
For the sake of those who at home await.
Only a dad, neither rich nor proud,
Merely one of the surging crowd
Toiling, striving from day to day,
Facing whatever may come his way,
Silent whenever the harsh condemn,
And bearing it all for the love of them.
Only a dad but he gives his all
To smooth the way for his children small,
Doing with courage stern and grim,
The deeds that his father did for him.
This is the line that for him I pen:
Only a dad, but the best of men.
- Edgar A. Guest (1881-1959)
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